There it is, I see it now, I think I know exactly what it is. Yes once again I was blinded by the light, hopelessly lost in a world of my own, trying to satisfy my own cause. It is not a good thing to try and live by yourself in your own worl, trying to satisfy every need of your own off your own back, by your own merit. We were made for relationship and created for social activity. We have a heavenly father who cares for all of our needs if we will only humble oursleves and ask for what ever it is that we want. I tried to go it alone as I have previously explained and fell flat on my face, as if that was not a good enough wake up call, still I tried to do everything on my own, as we all should know, that is not humanly possible.

Seeing the error of my ways was hard, but admitting them was even harder, I knew I was good enough, or at least I thought so, so God in all His wisdom made me wait another thirty or more years on a path of self intoxication showing me that I had to be careful consider other people, admit my liabitities, I had to stop following my own ways of selfish endeavour and come to Him and follow Him till He was satisfied that I was going well and still on the right track following Him. He said you are not the only driver on the road, His way was better than mine, because He cared about everyone else and I only thought of myself. It is not an easy thing to realize that someone esle matters more than you do yourself. If only I could realize that a cord or strand of two or more is not easily broken and that, where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am amongst them.

God is good and God is God, I am only human and even though that is a very good thing as a human I can't do without God. I have to achknowledge the superior force in the universe and bow down to the God who loves and has the best plan for my life, to prosper me and not to hurt me. Wakey, wakey stupid Darel, Get it through your thick head, you can not do life on your own, there is a higher power and superior being called God who loves me. That is great and the good news of the Gospel, a sufferring saviour who died on the cross two thousand years ago and still has time for me a little lost sheep who is hell bent on going his own way and not God's. Listen stupid, I say to myself, you have still got to get it through your think head, you can't do life on your own. There is someone out there who loves me very much. I am looking, searching, waiting and hoping, it may be a wife ten years down the track when God is good and ready and has done with me all the things he needs to do to get me into a right relationship with Himself. For now though I just have to do what I am told and follow HIm.

Then in a marriage relationship it will be a shared love of following God together with my wife in church every week, at home and in bed. There it is the picture is starting to become clearer, God has put a few things into perspective, but still there is a lot more. There it is you have it my desires and selfish requirements, but I now remember that God has not finished with me yet. While there is a hope for heaven and salvation will always be there while there a hope for God. You just can't simply leave God out of the picture. He has got the big picture covered and also the little picture of poor selfish ignorant me, He is gradually moulding and making me come into his way of thinking. It is like being hit over the head with a piece of four by two before you realize the truth about yourself. You just have to listen, learn and experience all His goodness and the joy of eternal life will be yours, there you have it that is the best that it gets for now anyway.